Writing A Better Sentence (About A Cookie)

That was a good cookie.

Those words drifted through my mind. I may have formulated them or they may have come to me from somewhere.

I was of course thinking about a cookie I had from a bakery we went into on a whim this morning,

walking by a homeless woman who was too polite to beg on our way to pick up a bracelet my wife was having repaired.

We got six cookies, sugar with frosting.

I thought, “I don’t think I want to eat a cookie today, not before I’ve had some protein.”

But we got home and Cheri offered me one; I took it and asked for milk (only because she had also offered me a can of water, otherwise, I would have gotten my own milk).

Two hours later in my sunroom on an unseasonably cool August day (you know it must have been, otherwise the sun room is a sauna) I looked out the window at the paradise with the trampoline* and the words came, “That was a good cookie.”

*At the risk of over-explaining, the trampoline is an eye sore. Would Eve had allowed one in Eden?

I’m glad I ate it (the cookie).

But I immediately thought, “That was a good cookie…”

“Is that all you got? You’re a writer. You owe that perfect cookie better words.”

So, an exercise. Here are 10 ways to say what my mind so boringly said:

1. The cookie was worth it.
2. The cookie rewrote the dessert last rule.
3. That cookie reminded me life is fun.
4. Taste and texture teaching enjoyment
5. The cookie melted and I didn’t want to swallow it.
6. Sadness is the last bite.

For the last four, I’ll try Natalie Goldberg’s exercise from a few posts ago. In case you missed it, I’ll quote myself:

I love the book Writing Down the Bones, by Natalie Goldberg. She gives writers a cool challenge in a chapter called ”The Action of a Sentence.” It’s deceptively simple and incredibly rewarding:

1. Fold a piece of paper in half.
   
   
2. On the left side, write 10 nouns—ordinary or abstract (grace, stone, regret, door).
   
   
3. On the right side, choose an occupation (like chef, mechanic, pastor, potter) and list 10 verbs associated with that role (slice, weld, stir, bless, hammer).
   
   
4. Now combine them into sentences.
   
   Let the verbs animate the nouns in surprising ways.

My Ten Nouns

1. Cookie
2. Cookie
3. Cookie
4. Cookie
5. Cookie
6. Cookie
7. Cookie
8. Cookie
9. Frosting
10. Cookie

Occupation: Choir Director

10 Verbs Associated with Choir Directing

1. Conduct
2. Sing
3. Warm up
4. Trill
5. Harmonize
6. Crescendo (which is already overused in literature and usually wrongly)
7. Compose
8. Rise
9. Ascend
10. Descend

Here are my last four sentences:

7. Each bite, a crescendo toward the climax (Now I see why this word is so overused!)

8. The cookie sang a sweet song, sweeter because it was fleeting.

9. My compliments to the composer of the confectionary masterpiece cookie in three movements: I. before the cookie, II. the cookie, III. after the cookie.

10. The baker interpreted the notes of the recipe and conducted the cookie triumph.

Anyway…if you haven’t tried this exercise, give it a try and leave one in the comments.

Jeff

‍